You surviving the open bar?
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you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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