God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
