I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
