I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
