Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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