I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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