Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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