So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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