He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As shirtless as possible
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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