You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
