She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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