I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
