I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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