you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
