I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
