When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
