I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
