We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
