I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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