im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
