My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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