And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
