Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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