Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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