There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
