She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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