hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
