it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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