i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
