I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
