I wanna bring you to show and tell
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
