nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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