great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
