DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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