i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
