I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
