Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
