your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
