When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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