Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
