I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
