If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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