Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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