i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
