I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
