dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
