That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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