Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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