Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
