9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
