it hurts more in the daytime
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
