There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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